Rama! How are you, Rama?
Today, I missed you and
Yashwant very much. Your memories saddened my heart. My speeches from the last
few days were very much discussed. The conference had very good and effective
speeches. This is what newspapers here have written about my speeches. Earlier,
I was thinking about my role in the Round Table Conference and in front of my
eyes, a picture of all the victims of my country emerged. From thousands of
years, these people have been buried under suffering. There is no cure for this
suppression. This is what they understand. I am shocked. Rama, but I am
fighting.
My intellectual strength
has become very strong. Perhaps a lot of things are springing up in the mind.
The heart has become very emotional. The mind became very much perplexed and I
started missing you and everyone at the house very much. I missed you. I
remembered Yashwant. You came to see me off at the ship. I was saying not to
come. Still, you did not accept that. You came to drop me. I was going to the
Round Table Conference. There was cheering for me everywhere and you were
watching it all. Your heart was filled with emotions and you were moved with
gratitude. You were speechless. But, your eyes were speaking everything, which
words could not say. Your silence had become more vocal than words. The voice
coming out of your throat was hitting your lips. Instead of the language of
words coming out of the lips, only the language of tears from your eyes came
running to rescue you.
And now
in London this morning all these things are crossing in my mind. The heart is
becoming emotional. I am getting nervous. How are you, Rama? How is our
Yashwant? Does he miss me? How is his problem of arthritis? Take care of him,
Rama! Our four children have passed away. Now, only Yashwant is left. He is the
basis of your motherhood. We have to take care of him. Rama, take care of
Yashwant. Teach Yashwant a lot. Keep on waking him to study at night. My father
used to wake me up at night to study. Till then he would stay awake. He has
only taught me discipline. Only when I would get up and sit to study then he
would sleep. In the beginning, I used to get very lazy when I had to get up at
night to study. At that time, sleeping more seemed better than studies. Going
forward, studying started becoming more important for life than sleeping. The credit mostly goes to my Baba (father). So that the
flame of my education keeps on burning, my Baba kept on burning like an oil. He
did everything he could. Converted the darkened into the light. The labour of
my father is bringing fruit now. I feel very happy today, Rama.
Rama, Yashwant should
also get engaged in studies the same way. He has to inculcate a fervent desire
for books.
Rama, luxurious things
are of no use. You can be around yourself. People are always chasing such
things. Their lives start from that and stop there. The lives of these people
do not change. Rama, we can not live such a life. We have nothing except
sorrow. We have no partner except poverty, impoverishment. Difficulties and
problems do not leave us. Humiliation, cheating, disregarding are things that
follow us like a shadow.
Only darkness is there.
There is a sea of sorrow. We will have to bring sunrise ourselves, Rama. We
have to make our path. We have to become a garland of lamps on that path as
well. We also have to travel the path to victory on that road. We do not have
any world. We have to make our world.
We are like this Rama.
That is why I say that educate Yashwant a lot. Stay concerned about his
clothes. Explain and make him understand things. Try to create ardour in
Yashwant’s mind. I miss you a lot. I miss Yashwant. I do not understand. It is
not like that Rama, I understand that you are burning in this fire. You have
started to become like [a tree, whose] leaves are falling apart and life is
drying up. But Rama, what should I do? On one side there was this
impoverishment after us and on the other hand my stubbornness and the promise
that I made to myself. The vow of knowledge!
I am extracting the sea
of knowledge. I do not care about anything else. But this strength that I have
got, in that, there is your contribution too. You are sitting here holding my
world. You are boosting my morale by sprinkling pious tears. That is why I can
imbibe the infinite ocean of knowledge with any fear.
To tell the truth, Rama,
I am not cruel. But, by spreading the wings of stubbornness I am flying in the
sky. Even if someone calls, even that is torturous. My mind gets scratched and
my anger flares up. I also have a heart, Rama. I yearn. But, I am tied to the
revolution! So, I have to put my feelings on the pyre. The heat of that reaches
you and Yashwant also sometimes. This is true. But, this time Rama, I am
writing with my left hand and wiping my tears with my right hand. Take care of
skinny (Yashwant), Rama. Do not beat him. I had beaten him. Never remind him of
that. He is the only piece of your soul (heart).
I have to find out the
origin of religious slavery, economic and social hegemony and mental slavery of
man.
These things have become
immutable in human lives. These should be completely burnt and buried.
These things need to be
eradicated from the memories and the rituals of society.
Rama, you are reading
this letter and you have tears in your eyes. The throat is full. Your heart is
shaking. Lips are trembling. The words that popped in the mind cannot even come
to the lips. You have become distraught.
Rama, what if you had not
come in my life?
Had I not met you as a
life-companion, then? What would have happened then? A woman who considers
world happiness as a goal would have left me. Who would love to stay
half-stomach, go in search of cow-dung or find cow dung and work to make upla
(cow-dung cakes)? Who would like to bring fuel to the stove in Mumbai? To keep
sewing torn clothes at home. Not only this but spending a month also with just
one matchbox. With this much oil and grains, salt should be used for a month. I
say. What if you had not found these orders of poverty sweet?
So, I would have been
shattered to pieces. My firmness would have cracked. Wave/high tide of my
aspirations would have receded/disappeared in the thin air without you being
you. The game of my dreams would have been completely ruined.
Rama, all the music of my
life would have become unpleasant. Everything would have been twisted.
Everything would be sorrow. I would probably have remained a dwarf plant.
Take care of yourself, as
you take care of me. I will be leaving soon to come back. Do not worry.
Convey best wishes to
everyone.
Yours,
Bhimrao
London
30 December 1930
Translated from Hindi to
English by Pardeep Attri
=================
ALSO READ:
1. What facts will
completely change your perception about Dr B. R. Ambedkar?
2. “Ambedkar”
surname is not given by any Brahmin teacher
4. Who is the
founding father of modern India?
5. How many degrees
did Dr. B. R. Ambedkar earn?
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